How Much Suffering Does it Take to be an Artist?
How much time do I have left in my life to become a good artist? (Notice I didn't say 'great'...........I've settled for 'good' because I've studied for many years already and don't know if I can live long enough to become 'great'. Maybe it wouldn't matter anyway............maybe I could never be 'great' OMG! Let's not go there right now! I may have to go to bed and never paint again.
How many workshops do I have to sign up for? How many classes do I have to take? How many paintings do I need to paint? HOW MUCH MORE SUFFERING DO I HAVE TO ENDURE??? Suffering you ask? YES! SUFFERING!! I'm talking about Torment! Agony! Going to bed depressed! Tears!
Many of my artist friends suffer the same fate. Are you one of us? The artists who suffer? Do you ever talk to yourself and say things like this?:
. "Why can't I be like other people?"
. "Why can't I be happy just to watch soap operas and sleep till noon and
have luncheons with my friends?"
. "What made me think I could be an artist?"
. "What the hell was I thinking?"
. "Why do I keep these useless paintings? I may as well set them on fire -
throw them in the trash - they're worthless!"
Van Gogh talked to himself this way. He was driven to cut off his ear! Don't worry, I'm too vain to do anything like that! But I understand him! It is said that Toulouse Lautrec and Monet may have talked to themselves like this. New studies reveal that even Michaelangelo may have had 'issues'. We're not alone! Others of us have excelled and created masterpieces! We're in good company.
In his book 'The Van Gogh Blues', Eric Maisel, PhD states that virtually 100% of creative people will suffer from episdoes of depression. Why? "Because every creative person came out of the womb ready to interrogate life and determine for herself what life would mean, could mean, and should mean. Her gift or curse was that she was born ready to stubbornly doubt received wisdom and disbelieve that anyone but she was entitled to provide answers to her own meaning questions."
Further, he states that: "Not creating is depressing because she is not making meaning when she is not creating. Creating but falling short in her efforts is also depressing because only insufficient meaning is produced if her products strike her as weak or shallow. Even creating well can be depressing because of the lingering sense that what she is doing is only veneering meaninglessness."
Do you recognize yourself in his words? I sure do! This is what has kept me creating since I was a very small child. Always learning something new. A whole lifetime of being driven to create. The hope to find meaning is the goal though I didn't know it then. Creating something gave me great moments of joy as I grew up. I was satisfied with less perfection when there seemed to be no rush. The time gets shorter and shorter as we age and the search for a meanng to life gets more desperate.
When I was very young I asked a Nun this question: "Where is the proof of these things we are taught? How do we know they are true?" Her answer was "You have to have faith." I needed a better answer. If that were true then I was doomed!!! I was on my way to being an artist!
I've always known I was a little different. I was just 'emotional'......a 'drama queen'........'Italian'. I've always cried hard and laughed hard. I didn't know it was because I was always looking for the meaning of life. WOW! It makes me feel so important! So, even with all the pain and suffering, I am able to experience euphoria from time to time especially when I create an acceptable painting. I'd rather be me than to be bland and beige. The rainbow is my thing!!
I cannot imagine my life without being able to creaat. I LOVE LIFE!!
Here's to being who we are.........creators of our own universe!
Where's my wine?
Salute!
How many workshops do I have to sign up for? How many classes do I have to take? How many paintings do I need to paint? HOW MUCH MORE SUFFERING DO I HAVE TO ENDURE??? Suffering you ask? YES! SUFFERING!! I'm talking about Torment! Agony! Going to bed depressed! Tears!
Many of my artist friends suffer the same fate. Are you one of us? The artists who suffer? Do you ever talk to yourself and say things like this?:
. "Why can't I be like other people?"
. "Why can't I be happy just to watch soap operas and sleep till noon and
have luncheons with my friends?"
. "What made me think I could be an artist?"
. "What the hell was I thinking?"
. "Why do I keep these useless paintings? I may as well set them on fire -
throw them in the trash - they're worthless!"
Van Gogh talked to himself this way. He was driven to cut off his ear! Don't worry, I'm too vain to do anything like that! But I understand him! It is said that Toulouse Lautrec and Monet may have talked to themselves like this. New studies reveal that even Michaelangelo may have had 'issues'. We're not alone! Others of us have excelled and created masterpieces! We're in good company.
In his book 'The Van Gogh Blues', Eric Maisel, PhD states that virtually 100% of creative people will suffer from episdoes of depression. Why? "Because every creative person came out of the womb ready to interrogate life and determine for herself what life would mean, could mean, and should mean. Her gift or curse was that she was born ready to stubbornly doubt received wisdom and disbelieve that anyone but she was entitled to provide answers to her own meaning questions."
Further, he states that: "Not creating is depressing because she is not making meaning when she is not creating. Creating but falling short in her efforts is also depressing because only insufficient meaning is produced if her products strike her as weak or shallow. Even creating well can be depressing because of the lingering sense that what she is doing is only veneering meaninglessness."
Do you recognize yourself in his words? I sure do! This is what has kept me creating since I was a very small child. Always learning something new. A whole lifetime of being driven to create. The hope to find meaning is the goal though I didn't know it then. Creating something gave me great moments of joy as I grew up. I was satisfied with less perfection when there seemed to be no rush. The time gets shorter and shorter as we age and the search for a meanng to life gets more desperate.
When I was very young I asked a Nun this question: "Where is the proof of these things we are taught? How do we know they are true?" Her answer was "You have to have faith." I needed a better answer. If that were true then I was doomed!!! I was on my way to being an artist!
I've always known I was a little different. I was just 'emotional'......a 'drama queen'........'Italian'. I've always cried hard and laughed hard. I didn't know it was because I was always looking for the meaning of life. WOW! It makes me feel so important! So, even with all the pain and suffering, I am able to experience euphoria from time to time especially when I create an acceptable painting. I'd rather be me than to be bland and beige. The rainbow is my thing!!
I cannot imagine my life without being able to creaat. I LOVE LIFE!!
Here's to being who we are.........creators of our own universe!
Where's my wine?
Salute!
Art and Drama
I'm forever killing two birds with one stone. (What an awful metaphor.....I would never kill a bird under any circumstances....or any other living thing....especially myself....... but I am getting off the track.) So......when I was in the neighborhood of the Daniel Smith Art Supply store for another reason, I stopped in to buy even more art supplies I couldn't paint without! Maybe a different brush would help........or different colors of paint.........maybe new sizes of canvas perhaps? While browsing slowly (this time I wasn't in a hurry) up and down the aisles, my cell phone rang and it was my artist friend Patty. I told her where I was and said "I don't even know why I'm here." "Why am I buying more art supplies?" "What for?" "I'm getting worse - not better." "I may as well just quit painting." "I may as well kill myself!"
At that point, I felt a hand on my arm and a voice saying "Excuse me...You are being very disruptive! Do you mind taking your call outside?"
Immediately I thought, oh no! Not again! Then I thought (but didn't say) "yeah! - sure! - like you never heard other artists express themselves before!" " How could an artist not have compassion for another artist?" Then, as I walked toward the door telling Patty to hold on.....I have to go outside.......I began to feel embarassment. Should I go back in and pay for the things in the basket? Can I ever go back in again? I guess I have to if I want that new paint and if that new paint is going to take me to another level, I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!!
So, with chin up, as if I were totally normal, I swallowed my pride and went back in to purchase the supplies which now, looking back, I realize didn't miraculously take me to another level and, in fact, I can't even remember what those supplies were.
Several weeks later, when I wanted some more drugs.......I mean supplies, I was willing to take my chances on being recognized as the crazy lady that they were going to have to keep an eye on. Patty and I, together this time, walked right in like regular people and began putting drugs (supplies) into our baskets.
Patty, who thought the whole thing was very funny, brought it up with the person at the counter who was perfectly willing to reenact the whole thing for her on camera as if she were filming a documentary! And, as if I weren't dramatic enough all by myself, he got right into it!! Enjoying himself with his sadistic sense of humor!
This is the photo of me being thrown out of Daniel Smith by the evil art clerk. And all this just because I threatened to kill myself! Give me a break.......what aritst hasn't done that? Aren't they used to it by now? They should hear me when I really get going!
At that point, I felt a hand on my arm and a voice saying "Excuse me...You are being very disruptive! Do you mind taking your call outside?"
Immediately I thought, oh no! Not again! Then I thought (but didn't say) "yeah! - sure! - like you never heard other artists express themselves before!" " How could an artist not have compassion for another artist?" Then, as I walked toward the door telling Patty to hold on.....I have to go outside.......I began to feel embarassment. Should I go back in and pay for the things in the basket? Can I ever go back in again? I guess I have to if I want that new paint and if that new paint is going to take me to another level, I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!!
So, with chin up, as if I were totally normal, I swallowed my pride and went back in to purchase the supplies which now, looking back, I realize didn't miraculously take me to another level and, in fact, I can't even remember what those supplies were.
Several weeks later, when I wanted some more drugs.......I mean supplies, I was willing to take my chances on being recognized as the crazy lady that they were going to have to keep an eye on. Patty and I, together this time, walked right in like regular people and began putting drugs (supplies) into our baskets.
Patty, who thought the whole thing was very funny, brought it up with the person at the counter who was perfectly willing to reenact the whole thing for her on camera as if she were filming a documentary! And, as if I weren't dramatic enough all by myself, he got right into it!! Enjoying himself with his sadistic sense of humor!
This is the photo of me being thrown out of Daniel Smith by the evil art clerk. And all this just because I threatened to kill myself! Give me a break.......what aritst hasn't done that? Aren't they used to it by now? They should hear me when I really get going!
Special Necklace
This is a new model for me, Lauren. She really has blonde hair but I just felt like painting her hair red. Maybe it's because I have red hair and I like it! I put her in my necklace. So let's see.........my color hair..........my necklace......but that's where the similarities end.......unfortunately.
Sing Along
This is Kerry again with my daughter, Lori. I hesitate to use the B word here, but .............whatever! (Don't let the sweet looks fool you.) Anyway, they'll have to fight over this painting.........they both want it! Devil or Angel?
My New Baby
This is a little off the art track, but we are bringing
a new baby home next week when she's old enough to come and live here. Her name is Ruby Begonia. She's a toy poodle with attitude! She can join my
other bitches! Isn't she fabulous?
"You're Going to Make Me Cry"
ART IS A BITCH
I absolutely LOVE bitches!! Nasty bitches! You know...............bitches with attitude! With high spike heels! With lots of makeup and lots of skin! Bitches who aren't afraid of what people think of them! I've been known to chase them around in bars, coffee shops, department stores, wherever I see one I want to photograph. No, I'm not gay...............I just love bitches.............what can I say? And here's the thing: I'm Not a Bitch Myself!! Close....but not really a true bitch.
My compulsion to get photos of bitches to paint has gotten me thrown out of many places in and around the Seattle area. I've been thrown out of Nordstrom, Starbucks, and lots of different bars! But it doesn't deter me.......I just keep my camera handy and when I see a great looking bitch I'm right on it! "Stop the car. Back up. Turn around. Let me out." If my husband is with me, he tries to make excuses: "Oh, she's an artist. She just wants something to paint." "Honey. Leave the poor girl alone. Let's go." He should know me by now, we've been married more than 30 years! AND what I love is: MOST BITCHES ARE HAPPY TO HAVE YOU TAKE THEIR PHOTO!!! Some will even give you several hours of free modeling right there on the spot!! Even so, my motto is: 'take a photo or two first and ask later'........ just in case they say no, or want to smile stiffly for the camera. Just one candid shot of a bitch can make my whole day worthwhile!!
I have a friend, Patty Forte Linna, who loves the same thing I love to paint, but paints the whole scene with the bitch in it rather than focusing on just the bitch, so we're partners in crime many times and sometimes spend a night at a downtown hotel just to take photos for a couple of days. We've never been disapppointed! There are bitches everywhere! Tall and thin is best! With long long legs. And if they aren't gorgeous, I make them that way with my paint brush. They just need to have the freedom and the attitude that comes with being a bitch.
The painting above is of Kerry, a friend of my daughter. She has the perfect attitude that says "I look great! Here I am! Even if she knows there's a little imperfection here or there...........it doesn't change that fabulous attitude she has. OK, I didn't want to do it, but I'll call her the B word. In fact, I think she may even like it!
"Take me Somewhere"
8 x 10 study - oil on canvas
Today I begin my new blog with three new paintings. I will post more two or three times a month. Or not. Don't hold me to it. I'll do what I can. Visit my website to see my other girlfriends: http://www.pepperpeterson.com/
"Undressing"
8 x 8 study - oil on canvas
I gave you a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. These bitches are worth getting thrown out of Nordstrom!!
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