It’s 3 am and I’m wide awake making notes for this blog. People! Cut me some slack! I’m trying hard to be normal instead of dealing with being a temperamental, emotional, stressed-out, Italian artist! I’ve always known I was a little ‘different’ but I used to be ok with it. I thought other people were boring and bland if they weren’t like me. People who weep instead of sob. People who walk instead of skip. People who giggle instead of guffaw! People who whisper instead of scream. People who ride the carousel but don't reach for the golden ring. I told myself I want to feel every emotion……. cry hard until my eyes are swollen and laugh hard until the tears roll down my cheeks! After all……what fun is it to be on an even keel all the time? But I don’t handle stressful situations well. And I’m tired of it! Now sometimes I’m jealous of those kind of people.
The better I get at painting, the more I want to paint and the less time I have to do it! Why can’t I be like ‘normal’ people? I wish I didn’t have to write blogs, post on face book, update websites, attend every opening and shows of friends (even though I do love to party) because I am booked solid all the time and don’t have TIME TO PAINT!!! And I LOVE TO PAINT!! It’s one of the only times I am able to feel ‘normal’…….especially if things are going well. Times when I can paint, listen to music and dance at the same time. Heaven to me!! Don’t ask how low I can get if the painting is a failure……………….
So as much as I love art, it is both a curse and a blessing. I know if I gave up my art life and just puttered in my garden and went on cruises and out to lunch and shopping with girlfriends, I’d probably have to wither up and die. I don’t take naps in the afternoon. - no time. I don’t play bridge - not enough action. I don’t golf - I’ll just continue to go to the gym because it doesn’t take as long. I don’t watch tv in the daytime. I don’t chit chat on the phone - well only if I’m driving or painting at the same time. Everything I do is while multi-tasking and running in between stuff to do. I guess my only choice is to get used to who I am. It’ll probably never happen. I gotta get some sleep…….gotta get up early……….only have a couple hours left………hurry!!! hurry!!