When is a Bitch Not Really a Bitch?

Let me explain: I was in the shopping mall the other day and passed a small boutique shoe store. Always attracted to fun shoes, I slowed down to look closer in the window and that’s when I saw her………………the beautiful store clerk. I immediately wanted to take photos so I could paint from them, so I went inside.

Yup. She was just my type. Great new short cropped dark hair style, cat-eye eyeliner, long feather earrings (I should have been suspicious here – feathers are so yesterday), rocking body, and pouty lips. I could just see my new paintings.

Right here is where I went wrong. I should have followed my own rule to take the photos first and ask permission later, but since the store was so tiny, andwe were the only ones in there, I decided to ask permission. I introduced myself, gave her a business card, showed her some of my art and told her that I liked to paint beautiful women, and asked if I could take some photos of her.

Here’s where I learned that she wasn’t a true bitch at all!

A true bitch would have stopped straightening the shoes, looked into the lens, and turned up the heat. But this was a faux bitch. A sheep in bitches clothing. Just a bitch wannabe.

Wouldn’t you think that if it looks like a bitch, walks like a bitch, talks like a bitch, then it’s a bitch, right? You’d be wrong! A real bitch flaunts her stuff and takes all opportunity to show it off. A real bitch flirts for every camera she sees. A real bitch knows she looks good and her purpose in life is to show it off! But alas! She showed her true colors in her answer to me, and proved that just like the shoes, she was just a cheap imitation of the real thing. No………. she was no Jimmy Choo. No………. she was no Christian Louboutin with a red sole (soul). She’ll never make it in a bitches world. She looked at me, and suddenly I could see the real mouse underneath. I saw the coyness and the shyness. I knew what the answer was going to be. I knew I’d been had by a fake exterior. “No, I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t be able to.”

I immediately knew she was right. She wouldn’t be able to. No point in trying to make a “silk purse out of a sow’s ear” as my grandmother used to say.

So I thought about the waste of womanhood this was. I thought about the times I tried to turn a model into what I wanted in front of the lens. I thought about the thousands of wasted pixels on my computer. The hours spent taking countless photos of beautiful women who were not true bitches. Women who were stiff and self-conscious. Women who giggled through the whole shoot. Women who had real potential to be a bitch, but never could turn it up a notch. What a waste! She was right. She was right and she knew it. Good! She didn’t waste my time. She couldn’t do it.

She wouldn’t be able to make it in a bitches world. Stick to selling shoes. No high expectations there. You can go on looking good to people looking in the window. Maybe you’ll find a sugar daddy who never would want a bitch anyway.

Speaking of bitches: Here’s my latest painting of Jenn. Now she’s a real bitch. That’s why I love her. Of course I had to tweak it so it doesn’t look too much like her. I try to make it look like I have a jillion different bitches to choose from. But the truth is, true bitches are not easy to come by. It takes a very special woman.

The next time you call someone a bitch, remember………….. she probably really isn’t one………..and secondly, she only wishes she were. Just call it like you see it………. call her a Bitch Wannabe. Now that’s an insult!


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